TruMama

What a year!

Your first year in school has been so full.

Full of learning. Full of friends. And full of firsts.

You have gone from learning your alphabet to reading level 6 books.

You have gone from writing the alphabet to writing stories.

You have gone from learning numbers to adding and skip counting.

Do not get me wrong. I knew you were smart, but this explosion of knowledge has shocked me. You have worked hard and have been determined to do it all. Your teacher has told me all year how you listen to everything she says and take it all in. It is only fitting that you be recognized in the award ceremony for Effort. That sounds exactly right!

You rock!

I love you too much!

We interrupt this spring break to bring you this important message. Please stand by.

Last evening, Wednesday night, the 1st day of April, at approximately 9:00 PM Tru lost his first tooth! This was NOT an April Fool’s Day joke as first suspected.

It all began around 8:30. I was taking warm laundry from the dryer. Tru quietly walked up to me with his fingers in his mouth. He showed me a pretty wiggly bottom tooth. He then requested an apple and directed me not to cut it into pieces. He simply wanted the whole apple. For what, I knew. He proceeded to bang the apple into his bottom teeth causing dents in the surface of the apple. This continued for about 10 minutes. Banging. Wiggling. Banging. Wiggling. I got him a magnified mirror to assist him with this strategic behavior.

Shortly after, he came into the bedroom where I was putting laundry away. He proudly showed me the blood splotched toilet paper as evidence his tooth was most definitely ready to come out. He went back to work with the apple. Banging. Wiggling. Banging. Wiggling. The next thing I know, he’s standing before me expressionless with an outstretched arm, hand open, palm up and there in the middle is one tiny white tooth speckled with blood. I immediately got excited. He immediately burst into tears. Tears for the loss of what was. Tears of a five year old desperately trying to hold on to all he had ever known. Not ready for change, he cried out, “I want my tooth back in.” After much consolation, he calmed down. He dried his puffy eyes, but continued to complain about the hole in his mouth for the remainder of the evening.

Upon waking this morning, the first words of the day were, “You’re right mama. It doesn’t bother me anymore.” This is good to hear since the tooth right next to the hole is going to fall out any minute!

I love you too much!

Monday night you question me about how I feel. I’ve been sick and have no voice. We stayed home Monday. Being the astute little guy you are, you decide that we should stay home Tuesday as well. You are sure I can’t teach if I can’t talk. I promise you that I will figure it out. I will manage after all, it’s your performance day. Then you come clean…”Mama, I don’t want to go on stage; I have stage fright.” Whatwhat? I didn’t even know you knew the term! I tell you not to worry – you will be up there with every single kindergarten, singing and having fun.

Tuesday afternoon riding home in the car you say, “Mama, that was fun singing today. I LOVE being on stage!”

You go boy! Rock it out!!

Happy Veteran’s Day!

I love you too much!

(center, third row back, blue t-shirt…look behind the little boy on the front row in the red shirt with writing down the front)

You got sick during the night. It was nasty, but you are always so sweet about it all. At the mention of staying home from school, you spoke up and told us you WERE going to school. Poor guy. Fever. Vomiting. And sweetness. You really are a good patient.

You fell right back to sleep. Me, no such luck. I spend the rest of the night feeling your forehead and listening for the first sound of grab-the-boy-and-run-to-the-bathroom-before-it-comes-out-everywhere. Some time before my alarm, I doze off and bounce right back up. I walk about in a stupor. What do I do if I don’t have to pack your lunch? Oh yeah, blow dry my hair. What do I do if I don’t have to get you dressed? Oh yeah, leave a little early. What do I do if I don’t have to carry you to the car? (Yes, I carry all of you to the car because you can’t wake up. I will probably get another hernia, but I love your head on my shoulder.) So, what do I do? Oh yeah, look at you one last time laying in the bed sleeping. I feel weird. I pull the front door shut. I walk out into this new morning feeling so strange. For 5 years these are exactly the things I did each morning. All of a sudden, it all feels so wrong.

It was a lonely ride to school. Even though you are normally asleep on the drive and it’s quiet, you’re there. This morning the quiet makes me feel lost. It’s funny how for 14 years I rode to school every single day by myself. Alone. That’s the only thing I ever knew…until just over a month ago when you started riding with me. In an instant, that 14 year old habit was nonexistent. I mean, like it never happened. Like that was someone else entirely. The 31 days we’ve been in school seem like the way it’s always been. How is that?

I get to school. I turn my lamps on by myself. No Minecraft video playing in the background. No pouring of juice. No reminder to brush teeth. Just me and my classroom and I move through my morning routines, but I keep thinking to myself, “Tru is not down the hall.” It makes me appreciate how much I love knowing you are there and so close to me. What a lesson in habits and our ability to adapt and change. My 14 year old habits are gone and my 31 day old habits are solid.

Then I come home. To this…

Yes. 2 naughty dogs. During the night I left the dirty linens in the hall to be washed. I should have known better, but it was the middle of the night. It was dark. They really should be more considerate, but I guess they picked up on the smell. And thought it a good idea to eat the mattress pad to pieces. The mess extended way past my camera lens. But, that wasn’t quite enough, so they romped around the yard for a bit. Hey, why not? The sprinklers were on. Fun time. When they were all done they came back in through the doggy door and left muddy paw prints all. over. the. house.

What a crazy day. I’m having a cup of coffee.

I hope tomorrow is back to normal.

I love you too much!

School. My home away from home.

The one place I know well. The place I go every day and even when I’m not there, it’s on my mind. It’s just a part of who I am.

As excited as I am for you, you would think I’d be completely comfortable with you starting school. But as I walk down the familiar hall and greet my teacher friends, I strangely feel like I’m in a foreign land. Nervous, anxious, excited, scared, and confused. My stomach turns for you. My palms sweat for you. And my mind races. I’m sure you feel the same, but you go right on in and do exactly what you’re told without batting an eye. Later, I see you walking out to recess and you smile the biggest smile and wave your little hand excitedly.  A sense of relief floods over me and I’m so incredibly proud of you. On my way to lunch I see you in the computer lab helping the child sitting next to you. You have gone from one extreme to the other. From playing all day with Daddy and Poppy to working in a room full of strangers.

Your teachers, Mrs. DuBose and Mrs. Hobson are angels. All you’ve ever known is the love and comfort of family. Yet, somehow they have slipped right in under the radar. They very quickly changed your little world and you love them. You love school and I could cry. I’m sure it’s just another day at work for them. Another first day in kindergarten. Just doing what they always do. Not realizing the impact they have made to one little boy and one mama. I’m far beyond grateful. They are my new heroes.

(Seconds after pulling out of the school parking lot to go home after school.)

You’ve had a very FULL day.

I have a very FULL heart.

I love you too much!

The night before Kindergarten and I should be asleep, but instead I think. I think of the baby boy who softly changed my world.

The baby boy who has brought more laughter in 5 years than I’ve experienced in all of mine.

I think of the baby boy whose gentle nature has taught me to feel more compassion. More joy.

The baby boy with sparkling eyes that make every moment new and sweet.

I think of the baby boy that I have wrapped my heart around and now into the world he goes.

No longer a baby boy, but a big boy.

He goes worthy of love and belonging. A big boy ready and strong.

He goes on his own.

I love you too much!

A great trip has the perfect combination of new mixed with familiarity.

We rolled into Virginia, the hills that is. Going to visit Grandma. (You love her stairs!)

This time in the summer. The first time was in the winter.

This Virginia was entirely different.

This Virginia was bright and polished. Heavy with heat.

You visited Ella Grace and Addy’s house for the first time.

You swam and dove off a diving board for the first time.

You searched the cabinets for snacks for a picnic in the playhouse. Shot water guns from the fort. Crafted swords from wrapping paper tubes. And participated in a dance contest to the song, “Happy”. (Which conveniently sums up our visit to their house in one word.)

We had a good ole family pool party. You swam and clowned around with Bryce.

I chatted with the new beautiful Baby Ella.

This Virginia was alive and lush. Surrounding us in green.

You trapped your first frog on Grandma’s porch. They were our summertime carolers outside the screen door. Singing of lazy days and warm nights.

You swam with your first snake in the pool. (You later told me, “There’s a lot of creatures at Grandma’s house.”)

You even drove your first tractor with Uncle Ted.

This Virginia was full of surprises. Some delightful. Some scary. But all for you.

This Virginia was my original home. This is where I grew up until one day somewhere else tugged on my heart.

That would be South Carolina.

From mountains to beach. From home to home.

Where will your heart take you?

Captain Tru in charge

To the island we go, yay!

Our vessel of bliss

I love you too much!

Firecracker time

Peel paper, stuff, light, spark, run

Wow, a pretty boom

(This was your first time setting off fireworks and you gave me the 101 on how to…you actually said, “run like pooh pooh.”  I felt your description, “a pretty boom” was most accurate.)

1. Peel paper

2. Stuff

3. Light and wait for the spark

4. Run!

Yeah, we kinda smoked up Windy Hill just a bit.

Horseback riding…

Headed to the stables.

Fitted with a helmet and ready to go.

That’s as far as we got. They brought the horses out and it was a bit intimidating. First, I mounted mine (using steps) and my feet could barely reach the stirrups. I was told to practice walking around. I admit, I was nervous. Next, you mounted yours and sat and waited. Then, daddy mounted his and it was down hill from there. The moment he sat up, his horse acted funny. We all watched as the horse kept digging in the dirt. Pawing at the ground. Shaking his head around. When daddy pulled the reigns, the horse wanted him off. He reared up. Daddy got him down. He tried walking him, but as soon as he got near my horse, he bucked up again and startled my horse and caused him to rear up. You silently watched. You silently thought. You silently cried. For a 4 year old, you have a keen sense of perception and you’re a deep thinker, internalizing situations. While the horse lady said no big deal, just wait a minute and try a different horse. You knew the ride was over. I looked over at you and asked how you liked being up there. You politely nodded your head. Although I couldn’t see your tears, I saw the look on your face. Seeing the power of these creatures we were sitting on. Seeing your parents completely out of control and at their mercy was more than you were willing to risk. While other kids would have cried to not get to go for the ride they so wanted…you put things in perspective. Off we hopped. Into daddy’s shoulder you buried your head. In the car we got. Down the road we went. Finally you said, “I never want to ride a horse again. Only the toy kind.”

Later the next day…

Jet skiing

You found your match.

And your own island!!