Heartshine

Posted by Kim on Saturday Jan 11, 2020 Under Tru Soundtrack


Diane and Ray, aka Grammy and Poppy, were two love beams in our world.

Shining so much joy and laughter on us.
Making our days brighter and fuller.
Leaving us all feeling touched by goodness.



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The New Normal

Posted by Kim on Wednesday Jan 1, 2020 Under Dear Tru

Poppy’s gone.

Just 2 words. 2 powerful words with a shattering impact.

He was larger than life. Indestructible. And vital to us all.

He took care of everything. He answered all of our questions.

Everything seemed possible because Poppy would see to it.

See, sometimes in life, we get so used to how things are.

We get into a groove.

A comfortable pattern.

A steady flow in things.

We float. We coast. We skip along.

And everything feels in perfect synchronicity.

Then all of a sudden the lights go out. And we find ourselves stumbling around bumping into everything and we don’t know which way is up.

That’s where we are. Lost in the dark.

Arms out stretched, feeling our environment.

Searching for something recognizable. Something familiar. Something that makes sense. Something safe.

Who will bring you sausage and mustard on Saturday mornings?

Who will eat the candy and stuff that I don’t like or shouldn’t eat?

Who will package boxes for me and see them to the UPS man?

Who will get glass from my foot or a splinter from your hand?

Who will fuss at the dog’s because they crowd the front door?

Who will get the mail and lay it on my desk?

Who will fix the garbage grinder when I jam it up?

Who will tell us stories and make us laugh?

Who will go out into the world and find crazy stuff and show up with it and shock us?

We are realizing that what was, will never be again.

There is a new existence among us. A new world in which we must learn to speak the language, in hopes that one day it will feel normal.

Life is funny like that. Things start off awkward and foreign until, the next thing you know, it’s normal.

Long ago it was just me and Daddy living at the beach in a simple, tidy condo with Byte, our little dog. I was teaching. Daddy was working on computers at his small office. Grammy and Poppy were at their home in North Carolina. We were happy as could be. We didn’t think things could get much better. That was our normal.

Then, when we weren’t even looking, we found a house with an office and warehouse next door. It was the perfect fit for our lifestyle. We snatched it up. Poppy came down and practically remodeled the house, converting it from business use to a home. Daddy just walked across the parking lot to work each day. He was now next door, so I could be with him and at home at the same time. Byte had a yard to explore and we got a golf cart to take rides around Windy Hill. This was perfect. Life was great. That was our normal.

One day I found out I was pregnant. Baby things filled up the rooms of our house and months later we came home with you. The energy in the house totally changed. Rooms were used differently. Stroller rides replaced golf cart rides. New routines and rituals fell into place. Grammy and Poppy moved down to take care of you. They devoted their entire life to you. You were Poppy’s “buddy pal.” Each day when I’d pick you up, Poppy would have a written list of feedings, diaper changes, and they recounted the events of the day and it was all said with laughter. You were everything in their eyes. They were so proud of everything you said and did. It was our home away from home…homes intertwined. Several nights each week Grammy cooked a yummy dinner with dessert. Life was better than we could have ever imagined. We were on top of the world. That was our normal.

A few years went by and you grew older and bigger. Before we knew it, you were going to start school. Daddy knew that Poppy would be lost without his buddy pal, so he opened a gun shop for Poppy to run. Poppy had always been a collector. A gun shop would be a fun way for him to spend his days. And he loved every minute of it! Since Poppy didn’t know a stranger, of course he made dozens of friends that sat around each day and listened to his colorful stories. Everybody loved Poppy’s stories. Daddy bought a bunch of chairs for the shop so they all had somewhere to sit and visit. Daddy and I came and went at our leisure as you gamed on your computer at the shop with Poppy. Grammy read her books and took her daily walks. We all found our place. We all fell into a perfect rhythm together. We each did our own thing, right there next to each other. One independent of the other, yet completely connected. It was pure bliss. That was our normal.

We began to unravel when Grammy got sick. Stress and worry entered into our days. Poppy and Daddy were distracted at the shop. Poppy adjusted and would come and go more throughout the day. Daddy researched and tried various things to help Grammy. Daddy started cooking dinner each night since Grammy couldn’t anymore and they came here to eat. Things were tough, but we were all together. That was our normal.

Then Poppy got sick. He struggled with his routine, but he kept on trucking. He didn’t complain, just did what he needed. We all did what he needed. Grammy left us in September. Poppy carried on in high spirits. He got down in October with a broken hip, but he recovered so well from the surgery, that he was better than before. He was on the up and up. He ate dinner with us Saturday night (collards and black-eyed peas with corn bread) and laughed at you catching M&M’s in your mouth, but he didn’t come to breakfast the next morning. He didn’t answer his phone either. He was gone. We found him peacefully laying in his new recliner chair. All of a sudden, we were alone here. All the building of life over the past ten years, the layers of love, blown away in a puff of breath. We are back where we started, just me and Daddy, but now we have you. This big, wonderful life that wove itself around us and through us, is now memories. This is our new normal.

With each normal, life got better and better. At each point, we thought it couldn’t get any better, and lo and behold, it did. Each time we were shocked with more happiness, more joy, and even more love. It didn’t seem possible, yet it continued to happen for us. While I write this in fear, I’m clinging to an even greater hope.

I fear we have arched. We reached the peak. We went so high, that now we must come down. But, I hope that this life taught us many lessons. Knowing Grammy and Poppy wasn’t a simple thing. It was beautifully life-changing. Their capacity to love selflessly is something we are profoundly fortunate to have been the recipients of. When you experience that kind of love in life, you are deeply touched. You carry on differently.

Pa holding Donna, Mama Brown, Poppy, and Grammy
Grammy, Poppy, & Daddy 🙂
Grammy, Tonia, & Poppy

I’m not sure what our normal will be now, but I know their impact will heavily guide us and influence us. Their love is within us, a solid part of who we are and hopefully, who we will become and that makes me feel so very good.

I love you too much.

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Perfect

Posted by Kim on Monday Feb 5, 2018 Under Tru Soundtrack

This life?

Perfect.

Carefully crafted, it has come to be this way.

Getting better with time

Aging gently over the years

Grown from love

Nurtured with laughter

With the strength of ocean waves

Powerful and beautiful

It is a lovely state of serenity.

Whether it is spotting a beautiful flower on our Saturday morning stroll

or enjoying a warm cup of tea after dinner

or receiving a big box of wild blueberries in the mail

We elaborately live in simple moments

Composing our perfect symphony.

I think of when it all started. Right here in North Myrtle, so many summers ago. I met your daddy on the stretch of beach at the end of our street.

A dear friendship that lasted into the winter and beyond. He chatted with me about everything. Secrets. Problems. Fears. And hopes.

He became someone I trusted. Someone I loved.

Years later I was at a crossroads in my life. I was leaving Florida and heading back to Virginia.

Who helped me? Your daddy. I remember pulling over on the side of the highway and calling him from a payphone. Talking and crying. Lost and broken.

He put me back together. He made me feel special. Like everything would be just fine.

And it was.

It was perfect.

He encouraged me and supported me.

He believed in me.

There was a certain kind of harmony that existed between us.

Now we have you – the sweetest, most tender reflection of our love.

My enraptured soul is reminded of all that is good and beautiful.

So, this life?

Yeah, it is perfectly perfect.

Happy anniversary Grant. ?

 

 

 

 

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The 3-Minute Miracle Blizzard

Posted by Kim on Saturday Jan 6, 2018 Under First

A “Bomb Cyclone” is what it was called. This storm that blew up the east coast and dropped snow everywhere.

We really thought this was our chance. 5 inches of snow! School was cancelled. Groceries bought (and some boots and snow pants) and we were ready.

First it was gonna happen around 9:00, then 1:00, then 3:00, then 5:00. When nothing was happening at 6:00, I gave up. Come to find out we had a big ol’ dry slot over us and it kept the storm off. Go figure. We were bummed, to say the least.

So, when you came running into the house screaming it was snowing, I was surprised. I told you to let me finish cleaning the kitchen and then we would go outside and play. You said to me, “Mama, this is what we’ve been waiting for. We have to go now.” I stopped and we got wrapped up.

 

I am so thankful I listened to you and your live-in-the-moment kind of thinking because about 3 minutes after playing, it was all over.

I cannot help but think of this hair product I like when I am buying drugstore stuff. It is called 3-Minute Miracle and my hair always feels so awesome afterwards. Well, after a few snowballs we felt awesome! That snow was a beautiful miracle for us. It was magical.

You hope for snow every winter and I remind you that it is not likely for us, but you keep wishing. Fingers crossed.

You have not given up yet. 🙂

 

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Hey, Future Me

Posted by Kim on Wednesday Nov 1, 2017 Under Dear Tru

I look at you.  All the time.

And every time I am reminded of how much you have changed.

Every six months we mark your height on your closet door frame.

And every time I see how much you have grown.

With all the obvious right in front of me, I remain unable to grasp the truth.

Unable to swallow the fact that you are BIG.

Life has blinded me and I am stuck in a state of dark adaptation.

Constantly trying to adjust.

I mean, in my head, you are a little boy.

In my heart, you are a baby.

I am saturated with memories.

With an abundant archive, I close my eyes and reflect on distant days.

Holding you at bedtime and walking gently around the room. A soft, fuzzy head on my shoulder and plump little legs resting on my arms.

Picking you up out of your crib after your nap. You standing there waiting for me. Smiling, you reach your arms out and the weight of you feels like pure love. I squeeze you.

Oh the little sounds. All the little sounds you made before you could talk. A Morse code of sweetness.

I knew I needed to backup my valuable life data. At the time I tried to soak in every detail knowing that one day I would need to recall those moments. And now that day is here. It is right here knocking on my heart.

As much as I tried to etch details into memory and preserve those little years, it escapes me. I mean, I remember, but I do not remember.

Thank goodness for a massive collection of photos and videos.

I look at you now getting huge. Practically eye to eye with me. No longer am I able to pick you up. Almost having to reach up to hug you. Surprised each time I notice that you are the length of the sofa. What has happened?

So, hey, future me you can not get this back. No matter how much you focus on the present, days from now it too, will be a distant memory. This will be gone. Many of these beautiful details lost on me. Beautiful details that should never be forgotten.

So do yourself a favor future me.

Slow down. Pay attention. Awaken the senses.

And grab the camera.

 

 

 

 

 

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Summer 2017

Posted by Kim on Sunday Aug 27, 2017 Under Tru Soundtrack

Summer! Our time to just chill all day, every day and boy, do we ever. There are no fancy trips. We love just being home. Being together. Being free. It is long days filled with porch swings, pool and beach time, late night movies with popcorn, and then repeat.

I love you too much.

 

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Tru…for Realz

Posted by Kim on Thursday Jul 20, 2017 Under Tru Haiku

Tru, the alchemist

My everyday enchantment

The magic is real.

I love you too much!

 

 

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My Account

Posted by Kim on Thursday Jun 22, 2017 Under Tru Soundtrack

As corny as it sounds, every morning I wake up and say “Thank you.”

Yep. Thank you for another day. Another deposit into my life account.

An account that gets richer by the moment. A wealth of memories.

Accumulating interest in the form of complete and total joy.

Like a thief, I’m hacking life. Cashing in on smiles and giggles.

A miser hoarding hugs and kisses.

Every day is payday.

And each night before I drift off to sleep, “Thank you.”

I love you too much.

Song: Alive, Graeme James

 

 

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Been There, Done That

Posted by Kim on Wednesday Jun 7, 2017 Under Tru Moments

Adios second grade!

Here we go again. You would think I would be getting used to this feeling. But, no.

First day:

Last day:

Every school year draws to an end. I look at you and I pause.

I can not believe how much you have grown and changed. How much you have become your very own person.

Every year I think, oh I am just being a little tender and it won’t be so drastic next year. And then…BAM.

I am right back in that same ol’ nostalgic place. No road map needed.

A little corner in my heart that I visit. As vast as the Grand Canyon.

Full of cherished memories. It takes my breath away.

I drink in the moments. Savor the beauty. Feel the enormity of it all.

And then I come back home…to make more memories.

I love you too much!

**A trip down memory lane…

Kindergarten:

First Grade:

Second Grade:

Wow!

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First: Fruit Ninja

Posted by Kim on Wednesday Jun 7, 2017 Under First

This is what happens when your dad gets you that katana you have been wanting for your birthday. I am not really sure whether to laugh or cry. I watch and I cringe. I try to laugh and be cool with it because this is so you. And more than anything I want to encourage the truth of you…the one and only Tru.

I love you too much!

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