Posted by Kim on Wednesday May 26, 2010 Under Uncategorized

You know how something will happen and make you stop and think back? You’ll have a wave of nostalgia rush over you and a distant memory will sharpen in your mind and feel almost present again. Well, I had a moment like that today, except it was a stop-me-in-my-tracks moment and made me say wow. So real it was, that it kinda freaked me out.

Every morning for a year now Tru has risen with the sun. Bright and early, running around the house wide open. Me, walking along behind, messy hair, rubbing my eyes and wondering how I’d find energy to keep up. Well, this morning for the first time ever, he slept. Slept…like a baby. I set my alarm extra early to try and beat him up. Quick, jump in the shower, washing at the speed of light. Brush my teeth while trying to put on my watch and clothes. Pull up my hair – still wet and put my make-up bag in my purse. (That comes later, if there’s time.) All this multi-tasking leaves me short of breath, but if I’m lucky…I’m finished before Tru wakes. That’s been my mornings for a year now. Wishing for minutes…just a few. But today, he slept. I found myself finished. I mean, finished – lunch packed, bags in car, bottles washed and I didn’t know what to do with myself. So, I sat on the edge of the bed and watched. And waited. I looked for anything. A twitch. A stretch. A wimper. A sign that he was waking, but all he did was sleep ever so peacefully. I finally had to leave without Tru. Without Tru! I walked out the door feeling like I was leaving a part of my body inside. It’s weird enough when you forget a ring or an earring, but your baby? I have never felt so incomplete.

I got in the car and the empty car seat didn’t help any. My car, which is usually filled with little feet kicking and soft sips on his sippy cup, was totally quiet. At the end of my street I took a left to school instead of a right to his Grammy and Poppy’s house. As I drove my old route (Pre-Tru), I actually felt a little tear well up in my eye. It dawned on me that for years and years and years I had started my day like this. Perfectly happy. I always got ready and drove to work. Starting my day very uneventfully. Never knowing what I was missing out on. But for a year now I’ve had Tru busying most of my morning. Within this year, I have taken on a totally new routine but it feels like I’ve been doing it forever. Those Pre-Tru days seem like another lifetime. And while it’s been an adjustment, I wouldn’t want it any other way.

My morning felt wrong. Incomplete. The drive felt so lonely and longer than normal. I got to work, but I felt lost in my own classroom. I missed seeing Tru’s beautiful smile and hearing his little giggle. I missed looking at the birds with him and pointing at the moon still visible. I missed rubbing his little foot while sitting at the traffic light. I missed holding on tight one last time before letting him run and play. I missed him waving his little hand good-bye. I missed Tru. I missed my boy.

My mornings start early and I hit the floor running, but I’m running with such a precious boy. It’s so fulfilling now. Far from the boring mornings that made up most of my life. I start my day now with incredible moments. Thank goodness for Tru. Thank goodness I have him. He fills my day, my life, my heart. He has no idea how he has changed me and the impact he’s made on every single moment. A life that was so empty and I never even knew it. Ignorance is bliss? That was me. I feel like a fool to have ever said I was happy before because Tru is teaching me, as I speak, what happiness really is. He’s bringing more love every day that I didn’t even know was possible. What else is possible? This tiny bit of boy, can completely blow me away. In all his amazement, I’m the one learning. What would I do without him? What did I ever do without him?

Well, I had my flashback today. Like the typical movie where the guy looks back to see how things could have been if a different path had been taken. How one decision can alter a life. Tru is, without a doubt, the best thing to ever happen to me (next to Grant, of course). He is simply perfect. I love this path. I love walking this life with Tru. His little footsteps leading me and guiding me to what’s real. His beauty, his innocence, his grace and his mind, all make me a better person. He completes me. He’s the better part of me that I could never find before. He’s everything.

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