TruMama

The thing about this love I feel,

is I don’t exactly know how to feel it.

All of it.

There are so many layers.

Just when I think I’ve got it…

I don’t.

You surprise me.

You catch me off guard.

Like one minute I am sound asleep

and the next minute you are laying on top of me, warm little arms wrapped about my neck, and you whisper ever so softly in my ear, “You’re the best mama ever.”

I haven’t even opened my eyes yet. I smile and think, “This. I am so lucky for this.”

My heart can not keep up.

Like the moment I am standing in the bathroom blow drying my hair

and then there you are. Laughing and jumping around, making silly sounds. I giggle and think, “This. I have so much fun because of this.”

You sprinkle joy all over my days. All over my moments.

Like one afternoon I am driving us home from school.

You quietly reread a note Daddy wrote you about your game and then you ask for a pen. You write something and then nod off.

When we get home, this…

Your little voice on paper.

You wrote Daddy back, “I love you, Tru!”

It is this.

This that you keep doing to me. Over and over again.

This that slows me down. Freezes life in an instant and makes me shiver with excitement.

You know that jolt that runs from your head to your toes from the contrast of the cold and makes you feel so alive. Makes every cell in your body tingle for a second.

This keeps me on my toes.

This is awesome.

This…

is life.

And for this, I thank you.

I love you too much!

My heart…constantly growing

Bursting right through my chest

My heart…constantly filling

Cascading a waterfall of joy

Those eyelashes…my heart

Those little freckles and the curve of that ear…my heart

Those big new teeth…my heart

That smile and that boy…my heart

I ask, “Tru, what is love?”

You say, “Happy, fun, and peaceful.”

Yes. Yes, that’s it. That’s simply it.

You just described my heart.

Thank you.

Happy Valentine’s Day

I love you too much!

Getting to spend my days with you
is like finding tiny treasures along the shore.

Each little moment is something rare and beautiful.
I tuck them into my heart forever.

My heart is full and plump.
Bulging with pure love.
All the wrongs, made right.
All the shame, washed away.

With you, I have peace.
Soaring, tranquil peace.
Light as a feather

With you, I have grace.
Simple, elegant grace.
Fluid as a dancer

With you, I have joy.
Unabashed, blissful joy.
Bright as a flower

It is having everything I could ever want
all wrapped up in a single little smile.

It is when needs and wants are simple things now
like sitting next to you and watching you play your games
or talking with you about your favorite Star Wars character.

It is laying next to you as you drift off to sleep.

It is simply knowing you
listening to you
watching you
being with you.

With you, I have heaven in my heart.

I love you too much!

So many days I am sad because you never met my dad. Your grandpa.

But then I am sweetly reminded that you have.
He is with you.
He is a part of you.
There is a little Grandpa in there.

You have his silliness.
His quiet sense of humor that gets ya every time.

You have his gentleness.
His calm way of making each moment last forever. Like a deep, slooow breath.

You have his heart.
His ability to see others with compassion. To feel their joy and their pain.

There are little things that remind me of him.
Like your feet. With their beautiful arch.

Or an expression.

Little things that make me smile.
Little things that make my eyes water.
And for a moment I feel the warmth of his presence…
because there is a little Grandpa in there.

He was a great man.
It is comforting to know and feel that wonderfulness lives on.

Happy Birthday Grandpa.

Moments happen
Flashing throughout life

Pay attention to the flashes
For it is there you find true beauty

The flash
The moment
will then be gone forever

My little Tru.

You grow. You change.

Each day you evolve into something more beautiful than the day before.

Each day I think I could not love you anymore and then…

I do.

You bring more “er” to my life.

Each day the smiles are bigger.

The laughs are louder.

Each day the tickles are ticklier.

Each day the hugs are tighter.

Each day my heart is fuller.

Each day is more wonderful because each day you are more you.

Thanks for all the “er” you bring me.

I love you too much!

My little trooper.

Very next day.

Right back in.

Ain’t no jellyfish scaring you away.

I love you too much, my brave boy.

You fought a jellyfish tonight

and lost 🙁

Out of nowhere it came

Riding the waves

…Sneak attack…

Brushed your tiny fingers

Wrapped around your tender arm

And stung like fire

Daddy, your battle buddy, scooped you up

From old lifeguard days

He went to work tending and mending

Til your tears were gone

I love you too much!

In becoming your mom I became Wonder Woman.

I changed from the inside. It probably happened as you were curled beneath my heart. You rubbed against it and once you were out, it kicked in…

fierce mode!

I got new powers.

New strength.

New abilities.

But I did not get a shield.

The slightest thing happens…

a look, a comment, an accident

and I realize I’m made of tissue paper.

I love you too much!

This life.

Summer days with you.

Long and bright and hot hours with you.

Magic moments.

This life.

Home with you.

Pool and beach and office playing with you.

Magic moments.

This life is us.

It is ours.

We charm it with our laughter.

Morning snuggles.

Gaming challenges.

Tickle battles.

Day after day after delightful day.

Our magic moments.

I live for our moments. It gives me breath.

The second I knew there was a you, the magic began.

Abracadabra.

In an instant I was spellbound.

You snuck into my heart like a little ghost.

I did not see you, but you were there.

Your presence filled me.

Your spirit moved me.

I loved you before I even knew you.

And once we met, I felt like I had known you forever.

Magic moments.

This.

Life.

Love.

You.

That is all there is.

Magic moments.

I love you too much!